• All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
• There is only one way to be happily married and when I find that, I shall get married!

• Pattern of Exams:

  General Students: answer all questions.

  OBCs: answer any one question

  SCs: only read questions

  STs: thanks for coming

  Gujjars: thanks for allowing others to attend the examination!!

• In the corridor of a government office was a signboard reading “Don’t make a noise.” Someone added the following words: “Otherwise we may wake up.”

• Never question your wife’s judgement…look whom she married.

• A person doing self SWOT analysis:

• Strength is my wife; weakness is my neighbour’s wife; opportunity is when my neighbour is on tour; threat is when I am on tour.

• Wife A: I hate my engineer husband, erect n erect…
  Wife B: Mine is a Doctor, inject n inject…
  Wife C: You both are lucky, mine is a lawyer! postpone n postpone!

• Que. What makes a happy man?

  Ans. Daughter is on the cover of Vogue, son on the cover of Sports Illustrated, mistress on the cover of Playboy and wife on the cover of Missing persons.

• MENtal illness, MENstrual cramps, MENtal breakdown, MENopause

  Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?

• A woman walks into a gynaecologist's office who greets her with: At your cervix, madam!
  The woman replies: Dilated to meet you!

• Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

  Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

  Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
  **********

  A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"

  "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
  **********

  Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."

  Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
  **********

  Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "

  Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

  Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"

  Millionaire: "Billionaire"
  **********

  Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.

  The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
  **********

  A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"

  He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour.